Empowering Parenting Approaches
Empowered Strategies, Tools, and Insights for Recovering Parents to Build Stronger, Healthier Families
"It's not only children who grow. Parents do too. As much as we watch to see what our children do with their lives, they are watching us to see what we do with ours."
-Joyce Maynard
Parenting is a rewarding yet often challenging journey, requiring a balance of emotional, physical, and mental demands when caring for children. Parents frequently face pressure to meet their children’s needs while managing their other responsibilities. Common challenge areas parents face may include;
Balancing work and home life.
Feeling as though there is never enough time, feeling overwhelmed, or stressed. Insufficient sleep, rest, and nutrition.
Difficulty in enforcing consistent boundaries and rules.
Not understanding how to respond to tantrums, disobedience, lying, or managing screen time.
Poor communication skills, etc.
Experiencing sabotaging efforts from in-laws or outside sources. Coping with parent shaming (see blog post on this topic)
A recovering parent will encounter these same issues along with additional unique stressors and struggles that differ from those of parents who are not in recovery.
The most common challenge may be finding balance, i.e. managing the emotional and physical toll of recovery while also meeting the needs of their children, partners, and work obligations.
Recovering parents may experience moments of physical discomfort, vulnerability, fatigue, or stress (associated with detox) that make it harder to stay patient or consistent.
They may also wrestle with feelings of guilt or shame about past behaviors, making it harder to create new positive interactions without over-compensating with gifts or rewards.
They may need to navigate complex dynamics around lost respect and trust with their children, especially if there has been blatant lying, or multiple breaches of trust and broken promises.
Many recovering parents might also face stigma or judgment from others, which can result in feelings of isolation and exacerbate stress.
All parties may have unrealistic expectations about what recovery should look like, or how everything should return to normal.
Family roles may have changed, where the parent no longer feels needed or wanted, or responsibilities have been placed on other family members, which makes it hard to step back into the family roles before addiction.
You don't have to fix everything at once. Building a foundation of awareness through efforts to understand and empathize with your child is the first and most powerful step toward healing
First step - Awareness
Children of recovering parents often have unique needs stemming from their experiences during their parents' struggles with addiction or other challenges. These children may require additional emotional support, stability, and guidance as they navigate feelings of uncertainty, trauma, and disrupted family dynamics.
Specific concerns to address
They need to know that the problems in their home are not their fault.
They must be allowed to have and express their emotions and feelings.
They need to have their thoughts and feelings validated.
They need to feel physically and emotionally safe.
They need open and honest communication
They need to be given (age-appropriate) information about the disease concept of addiction.
These children often need “space” and time to heal at their own pace. This includes having their boundaries honored.
They need consistency and routines for structure. This is in order to remove the fear of not knowing what is going to happen next. But this needs to be balanced with flexibility and adaptability.
They need their own sense of community and emotional support.
They need to have their questions answered honestly, no promises.
They need positive role models and it doesn’t have to be the parent.
Start with a few simple parenting tools — with patience and love, they’ll grow into the foundation your children can trust.
The following suggestions are intended to serve as a starting point, offering a framework for identifying and working on specific behaviors. They may seem simple, but their impact can be profound when applied consistently, helping to foster lasting positive change and personal growth. Parents/guardians and caretakers need to;
Provide a safe living environment. Learn to manage anger, tone of voice, remove all threats of physical and verbal abuse.
Sit still, make eye contact, and listen when your children speak.
Provide open and honest communication - do your best, you don’t have to be perfect, it is okay to say, “I don’t know”, I will get back to you on that”, let me think about it before I answer…”
Establish consistent boundaries and rules - say these aloud, repeat them when necessary, without raising your voice, inducing shame or guilt.
Be patient when children question you about your whereabouts and plans. Consider this an opportunity to build trust.
Establish and maintain a routine or structure. This will remove doubt, fear and uncertainty from your children. Discuss this aloud. For example, I allowed my children to track me by the “find a phone app,”
Ensure your children have their own support group or community, so that they will know that they are not alone.
Be authentic, don’t talk about yourself, don’t try too hard. Show them the changes that you are making, don’t tell them.
Do not make promises, guarantees, etc.
Maintain your sobriety/recovery. Be honest about relapses, do not lie. Create and provide your loved ones with a plan of action when you do relapse.
Every small moment of connection plants the seeds for a deeper, stronger relationship.
After you've established a new foundation, you’re ready to deepen your connection. This begins with continuing to improve your self-awareness and emotional intelligence, practicing your coping skills, and beginning to demonstrate vulnerability and authenticity in the relationships you are trying to improve. Additional tools;
Continue to educate yourself about normal growth and development of children.
Address your guilt and shame, fear, insecurity, etc… Work on yourself to present the healthiest version of yourself to your children. Not a perfect one, just a real and growing one.
Engage in enjoyable and relaxing activities with your child, even those that may not interest you. These moments of play can lead to unexpected growth and deeper connection.
Ask them a variety of questions, from meaningful to silly.
Enable their personal growth, give them permission to develop independence outside of the home. Allow them to explore their own individual thoughts, opinions, and interests.
Address issues as they arise, and explore the deeper broken bonds of trust.
Additionally, children may benefit from access to individual or family counseling or therapy to address the impact of their parents' addiction and recovery process. This will provide them a safe space to express themselves with an objective third party who can offer positive reinforcement and tools to strengthen their resilience and sense of self-worth.
Practice, Evaluate, Experiement and
Repeat
Summary
I want to express how glad I am that you are here. You are helping break the cycles of generational trauma and dysfunction. By improving yourself, you are enabling your child to become more resilient and allowing them the opportunity to witness someone overcoming difficult struggles. Which may be one of the most significant ways you can turn the unnecessary guilt and shame into a beautiful act of purpose and meaning
Remember, this process will take time. The focus is on progress and self-awareness rather than perfection. These tools provide a starting point to help you and your child to begin a journey of growth and transformation.
I hope you find this information helpful. However, I must also mention that the advice given is for informational purposes only. It is not intended to diagnose or treat any condition. I always recommend that you consult with a licensed professional in their field of expertise.
If you believe this article will benefit someone else, please share it and email me if you have a topic you would like me to address. The email address is linked above.
If you found this topic interesting, you may want to explore one of the following options…
Resources
“Rebuilding Relationships in Recovery: How to Connect with Family and Close Friends After Active Alcoholism and Addiction” by Janice V. Johnson Dowd, LMSW, 2025, North Atlantic Books
Adverse childhood experiences: impacts on adult mental health and social withdrawalhttps://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC10639139/#:~:text=An%20increase%20of%20one%20point,the%20risk%20of%20these%20symptoms.
Nurture Your Resilience. Bouncing Back From Difficult Times - https://newsinhealth.nih.gov/2022/04/nurture-your-resilience
Erikson’s 8 Stages of Psychosocial Development, Explained for Parents https://www.healthline.com/health/parenting/erikson-stages