Why I am Writing About Shame (and what comes next)
From Shame to Self-Compassion:
The Start of a New Series
on Healing on Overcoming Guilt and Shame
Introduction: A Quiet Weight I’ve Carried for Years
There was a time when shame felt like a second skin, quiet, heavy, and constant. It fueled my drinking and then followed me into recovery, into parenting, and into every room where I felt I wasn’t enough. Over the years, I’ve done a lot of healing, but I’ve realized shame still lingers in the corners I haven’t fully addressed.
That’s why I’m starting this blog series, an honest, vulnerable look at shame: how it appears, how it holds us back, and how I’m learning to let go of it. I'm approaching this with honesty, not because I have all the answers, but because I know I still have work to do. And I believe I’m not alone - I can tell by the responses that I get everytime I post about shame on social media. Sharing my story is one of the ways I am working to overcome my shame—and I invite you to join me.
Reflections on Shame: My Personal Experience
Today, shame appears in subtle yet persistent ways. Beyond obvious moments of self-doubt and self-criticism, it shows up in small things, like the way I tend to over-explain and give lengthy explanations (which sometimes seem like I’m making excuses), even when my goal is just to be understood. And although I’ve improved at saying “I don’t know” because I’m no longer afraid of looking ignorant, I still find it hard to ask for help, as I don't want to inconvenience others or admit my vulnerability.
People-pleasing is a default habit; I often put others’ needs before my own. The heaviest burden I carry is the lingering guilt and shame over my past drinking and the harm it caused my children. That parenting shame remains a work in progress. It doesn’t define me, but it influences how I present myself, reflect, and heal. This is part of my ongoing journey toward self-compassion, forgiveness, and making amends.
Personal Reflections on Why I’m Speaking Now. There’s a saying: your work will become clear when your soul is ready.
Recently, I’ve felt that pull again, the feeling that something deep inside is asking to be healed. Even after all I’ve been through, I felt stuck and frustrated that I wasn’t making more progress toward inner peace. I’ve been sober for 12 years, and I’m feeling secure in my sobriety, but I want more…
I want peace that isn’t dependent on performance. I want to release the guilt I still carry as a mother. I want to stop flinching at old memories. Thus far, I’ve put in a lot of effort. But I’ve come to realize that healing isn’t a straight path, and sometimes wounds resurface, not because we’ve failed, but because we’re now strong enough to face them. Whether this new chapter brings lingering pain or a deeper purpose, I welcome it. I’m finally ready to do the deeper emotional healing work. And this time, I’m not doing it quietly.
“Shame dies when stories are told in safe places.”
Why This Isn’t About Having the Answers
I need to point out that this entry isn’t written from a vast wealth of educational experience or expertise. It’s written from the heart, grounded in personal experience, curiosity, and a deep desire to grow. While I’ll draw from my education, years of recovery and therapy, and a passion for research, I’m not here to offer professional advice. I’ll be sharing what I’ve learned from thought leaders like Brené Brown and Gabor Maté, alongside the tools that have helped (and sometimes failed) me along the way. This is a personal reflection, a real-time exploration of what it means to confront shame with compassion. I imagine these entries will evolve as I do, and I welcome that imperfection as part of the process.
Closing: This is an Invitation, Not a Lesson
I don’t know exactly how fast this recovery journey will go or what pace it will take, and honestly, that’s part of the work. I’m learning to move through this process gently, without pressure to rush or perform healing perfectly. If any part of this resonates with you, I invite you to follow along as I delve into the next layer of growth. You’re welcome here - in your own timing, in your own story, with all the softness and truth it takes to face shame and choose something better. Let’s walk it together.
“Owning our story and loving ourselves through that process is the bravest thing we’ll ever do.”
— Brené Brown
I hope you find this information helpful. However, I must also mention that the advice given is for informational purposes only. It is not intended to diagnose or treat any condition. I always recommend that you consult with a licensed professional in their field of expertise.
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