Finding the Right Fit: A Guide to Choosing Your Therapist or Coach
Therapy is a gift. It is finally a chance to be heard, understood and supported.
Bessel Van Der Kolk
Introduction
You have decided to pursue counseling, coaching, or therapy as the next step in your personal growth journey. This is a significant decision, and I commend you for making it. The next question is: how do you find the right support for your needs? This article is not designed to explain the differences between counseling services and types of professionals; instead, it is designed to help you effectively interview and select the most suitable candidate—someone with whom you can build a trusting and objective relationship that fosters open communication, mutual respect, and a shared commitment to your goals.
Deciding on the proper support is vital, as it significantly impacts your well-being. Professional therapy or coaching is an investment in your health, beyond just financial costs, it requires time and effort for growth and healing. Working with a qualified individual leads to transformation and self-discovery. With numerous therapists and approaches available, it's crucial to choose one that specializes in your needs, particularly for complex issues like addiction, trauma, or PTSD.
Consider their qualifications, experience, and therapeutic approach. A poor fit can be more harmful than beneficial. This relationship relies on trust and understanding, so it’s worth asking questions, exploring options, and seeking recommendations to find someone who resonates with you and can effectively guide you toward health and well-being.
“The best way out, is always through”
Robert Frost
Getting Referrals
Start your search by asking trusted friends, peers or your recovery community for recommendations. You can also consult local treatment facilities, speak with your family physician, or reach out to community leaders for suggestions. Online resources like Psychology Today can help locate therapists as well. Once you have a few names, interview them, and remember you don't have to commit to the first one you contact.
The Questions
The following list is comprehensive, and not every question may be necessary, or you might feel hesitant to ask some of them. However, don’t worry; a good therapist will gladly answer your questions and will recognize that your thoroughness is a sign of your motivation to engage in the process.
What is your specialty? (Relevant specialties would include addiction, anxiety, depression, and OCD, among others.)
What are your qualifications?
Can you prescribe medications? Do you refer to or accept referrals from psychiatrists or physicians who can prescribe medications?
Do you primarily see clients individually, in groups, or in families? How long do sessions usually last?
Do you see clients after five p.m. or on weekends?
What happens if I have a crisis and want to speak to you at a time other than my scheduled appointment?
What is the setting for appointments? Are there options for phone or video appointments?
How many years of experience do you have?
What is your availability?
What does your typical session look like? How long do the sessions typically last? How often would you see me or my family, and for how long?
Do you assign homework?
How much do you charge? Do you take insurance? Is there a sliding fee scale? Do you accept credit cards?
What school of thought or therapeutic philosophy do you follow? (Examples include CBT, family systems, behavioral therapy, Freudian psychoanalytic therapy, humanistic therapy, holistic therapy, and emotionally focused therapy.)
Do you use any specific therapeutic tools to enhance the therapeutic experience, such as EMDR (eye movement desensitization and reprocessing), guided meditation or imagery, art or music therapy, play therapy, or neurofeedback?
What are your strengths and limitations as a counselor?
Have you been in therapy yourself?
Do you seek peer support or consultation from other professionals?
Do you create a treatment plan or treatment goals for our work
What happens if I do not improve?
Have you seen other clients like me? Have you been successful with them?
A good fit with a counselor means feeling comfortable, heard, and understood, while building progress and trust. You should feel safe and respected, with your therapist being supportive, non-judgmental, and maintaining boundaries.
Qualities of a good therapeutic relationship…
A good therapist comprehends your struggles and challenges and will closely pay attention to your reasons for seeking help and what you hope to achieve.
Your therapist works with you to develop a tailored and individualized approach where you feel respected and your goals are made a priority.
Your counselor should actively listen to your concerns and validate your experiences, demonstrating empathy and understanding.
You have a professional relationship with your therapist but still have a sense of interpersonal connection with them.
You can communicate openly and honestly with them.
Your counselor ought to be non-judgmental, steering clear of shaming or criticizing you for your emotional experiences.
A good therapist will help you discover your own answers and solutions rather than just telling you what to do.
They offer a range of solutions, tools, and techniques for therapeutic change.
They do not rush your treatment.
They communicate openly and honestly about their office practices, billing, and professional boundaries.
Your counselor does not “over-share” or talk too much about themselves.
Your counselor should be licensed and follow ethical guidelines, upholding professionalism and integrity.
Your therapist respects and upholds confidentiality, fostering trust and a robust therapeutic relationship alliance.
They take the time to continue toeducate themselves and maintain their professional licenses.
Research indicates that three sessions are typically sufficient to determine if a therapist is a good fit for you. If it doesn't feel like a good fit after the third session, trust your instincts and move on.
Choosing to seek therapy is a commendable and brave choice that shows you're taking positive steps toward nurturing your mental and emotional well-being.
It's perfectly normal to feel uncertain or nervous initially about entering therapy; in fact, many people share these feelings at the beginning of their journey. However, it is essential to remember that seeking help is a mark of strength, courage, and self-awareness, rather than a sign of weakness.
You deserve to invest in yourself and your future, as doing so can lead to profound changes in your life. Therapy provides a safe and supportive space where you can explore your thoughts and emotions without judgment. It is a place for growth, healing, and self-discovery, allowing you to learn more about yourself and your patterns of behavior. This process can help you develop coping strategies, enhance your relationships, and build resilience against life’s challenges.
Wherever you are in your journey, whether you’re just considering therapy or have already started, I want you to know that you are not alone in this process; countless individuals have embarked on similar paths, finding solace and strength through therapy. Embrace the journey ahead and be open to the possibilities that therapy can bring into your life.
I hope you find this information helpful. However, I must also mention that the advice given is for informational purposes only. It is not intended to diagnose or treat any condition. I always recommend that you consult with a licensed professional in their field of expertise.
If you believe this article will benefit someone else, please share it and email me if you have a topic you would like me to address. The email address is linked above.
If you found this topic interesting, you may want to explore one of the following options…
Why I chose Inpatient Treatment for my Substance Use Disorder
Managing Disappointment
Resources
“Rebuilding Relationships in Recovery: How to Connect with Family and Close Friends After Active Alcoholism and Addiction” by Janice V. Johnson Dowd, LMSW, 2025, North Atlantic Books Publishing